why mothers trans their kids
Feminism For Parents Parenting Trans Issues

Why Mothers Trans Their Kids (My Theories)

There are a great number of potential reasons for why mothers trans their kids. Of course, fathers trans their kids too, but as a woman, I’m less able to understand the thought processes of men!

Raised to be Politically Correct

I can’t speak for women older than myself, but as a 90s kid, I have grown up amongst a lot of campaigns centred around protecting minorities. From anti-racist campaigns like “Black Lives Matter” and “Show Racism the Red Card”, to pro-gay movements such as “NOH8” and the multiple international campaigns to legalise gay marriage. Millenials have had it thoroughly drilled into us that we must respect (and almost worship) minorities.

As such, supporting trans people is just an extension of that. These mothers are scared to be bigots, and see being a transphobe as being on equal footing to being a racist or a homophobe. So if their own child ‘comes out’ or says they wish they were the opposite sex, the mother has already been conditioned that they have to accept the child for who they are, otherwise they’re no better than someone sitting in jail for murdering jewish people just for being jewish.

True Belief That Transgenderism Is Innate

The theory that transgenderism is innate, and that a person is born trans, has a lot to answer for. Due to the increasing number of detransitioners, we know that this can’t always be the case. However, a great deal of people still believe that narrative.

So when a child comes out as ‘transgender’ or starts showing signs that they might be ‘transgender’, an otherwise loving and caring parent will accept that as a fact. If they truly believe that being trans is innate, they would have no reason to question their child, or to try to change their minds. Even if the mother may not have wanted a life of social stigma, hormone treatments and surgeries for their child, they may just accept it anyway, because they feel there is no other way.

When I was still ‘captured’, I believed that transgenderism was innate – even though I’d previously identified as trans and grew out of it. This shows you that captured mothers are willing to overlook glaring contradictions in their gender-based beliefs. Because of this, I used to occasionally check in with my young daughter and ask her questions like ‘Are you a boy, or a girl?’ She would say that she was a girl every time, and I would find myself relieved that I didn’t have a ‘trans child’. (Needless to say, I do not do this anymore.)

Some might say that mothers who act like this are grooming their children into gender ideology. Perhaps it is true, though I don’t think many are doing it intentionally. I imagine that if a parent probed harder than I did, and taught their child about what it means to be ‘transgender’ (I never did) their children may be more likely to identify as transgender due to having the idea put into their heads at a young age that you can be born in the wrong body.

Have A Special “Quirky” Child & Be Praised For Being A Great Parent

Every loving mother thinks that their child is ‘special’. For most mothers, this belief exists on a normal and functional level. However, some mothers require more attention, or need their child to be seen by others as extra special.

Some mothers also require a lot of praise and attention for themselves. Sometimes you’ll see mothers bragging online about doing what should be the bare minimum for their children. Or you’ll see what are colloquially referred to as ‘autism moms’ making their child’s autism diagnosis into their own personal tragedy. Autism moms often live in an echo chamber where they tell each other how ‘brave’ they are or how they’re such amazing mothers. You can see why a mother who enjoys this type of pity driven attention and admiration would also enjoy being told how special and wonderful and accepting they are for having and affirming a trans child.

A small subset of mothers are so desperate for their child to be unique, and so desperate for attention, that they develop something called M√ľnchausen Syndrome by Proxy (MSP). When this presents itself as a mother transitioning their child, it is colloquially referred to as being ‘Transhausen’ parent. MSP disproportionately affects mothers. People with MSP gain attention by seeking help for exaggerated or made up symptoms in their child. The deliberate actions of the parent can often make the symptoms worse. In the case of trans kids, this would be doing things ‘affirming’ the child’s gender and encouraging their transition, offering positive reinforcement for gender non-conforming behaviour. Children are desperate to please their parents, so positive reinforcement for gender non-conforming behaviour has a high likelihood of producing more gender non-conforming behaviour. The mother then receives positive attention and praise for being such a kind, accepting parent, and for being such a wonderful trans ally. They also get to see people piling exaggerated praise onto their child, and this affirms their need to have a ‘special’ child.

Online Clout

This reason is (thankfully) one of the less common ones reasons why mothers trans their kids. If you’ve found your way to my articles, you’ve more than likely seen the phenomenon of ‘trans child influencers’. The mother of the ‘trans child’ shares videos of their child on TikTok or Youtube, filming their child doing gender non-conforming activities and dressing up, in order to provide ‘inspirational’ content.

I find popularising a trans child in this way to be a particularly insidious form of abuse. Desisting for a regular child may be difficult enough. However, a ‘famous’ child like this has so many more feelings to contend with – the worry of letting down their fans. The worry of the families income dropping if mum can no longer make trans child content. Even as an adult, admitting you made a mistake can be difficult – can you imagine having to do that as a child, knowing thousands – or maybe even millions – of people are watching you? It feels as if this environment wouldn’t provide a child with a safe space to question their ‘gender’, and the chance of them naturally desisting under these conditions has to be miniscule.

Fear of Suicide

This surely has to be the biggest reason why mothers trans their kids. It is not uncommon to hear trans allies, activists and even doctors and therapists use the phrase ‘would you rather have a living (trans) daughter or a dead son?” This is insidious emotional blackmail, intended to terrify parents into consenting to their child’s transition. I can’t imagine a single loving mother would rather have a dead child than a living ‘trans’ child (or indeed, a regret-filled detransitioned child). If ‘trans or suicide’ are the only two presented options, then of course mothers are going to consent to gender affirming care for their child.

This insidious lie of ‘your child will kill themselves if they don’t transition’ is often presented even to parents whose child has never expressed a desire to harm themselves. Threatening parents with their child’s potential suicide is hideously abusive and manipulative behaviour, and desperately needs to be pushed back on.

Leave a Reply